Let's Freefall and See Where We Land
by colormyheartred
Summary: Modern AU: Killian and Emma are actors that were in a movie together, and they had to kiss, and now they've won the MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss, and "have" to do it again on stage. Only this time it's different, it's real, and things shift from then on.


_Rule One: don't take roles that involve a romantic interest_

 _Rule Two: if there are no other roles available, then ensure that everything stays professional on (and off) set_

 _Rule Three: don't make things out to be more than they are_

 _Rule Four: love is nothing but pain, never give into it_

The rules are written neatly, tucked away in the top drawer of the bedside table, and its existence only came to be because of a few mistakes Emma Swan would like to forget.

She keeps her rules at the forefront of her mind as she works. Lately, it's been a mixture of TV and movies, always busy, never stopping. She needs the constant workflow in order to bury the memories she has of her past.

As a kid, she was thrown from foster home to group home, and even did a few weeks on the streets homeless, and ever since then, she's been dedicated to doing the one thing that comes naturally: playing pretend.

It might seem foolish of her, because she'd had to grow up fast in those foster homes, where her families wouldn't treat her with kindness or loving. She'd been angry for a while, at her birth parents, for abandoning her on the side of the road, but thanks to her high school drama teacher, she'd come to find that in acting, she could _forget_.

And forgetting is much better than dwelling in the present.

She's grown as she's struggled to fit into this culture of Hollywood and movie stars and red carpet events, too, because she's found out whom she can trust, and whom she can't.

Her rules are the only things that keep her on task. Without them, she'd been easy to persuade into situations, and into relationships, she ended up regretting. But with them, it's _much_ easier to breathe and live.

Sometimes her costars call her out on being cold and impersonal, but it's _always_ easier to escape to her trailer after a day of filming a love scene than it is to dwell on it in the company of her scene partner.

For the most part, her rules do their job. She gets through a movie without any pain, makes her money, and can go to sleep at night with ease.

But… _this_ movie is different.

It's her first big movie; her first blockbuster with contract deals for sequels, and big budget _everything_. She's not even sure her trailer has looked that good before.

Her character is everything she's ever wanted to play before, too. She's smart, brave, tough, but she's tenderhearted and kind, when she needs to be.

And everything fell in line, according to her rules. Even her handsome costar, Killian Jones, with his sharp blue eyes, stunning bravado, and chill-inducing chemistry with her manages to stay within her set parameters.

They became friends on set, which is different for Emma. She'd rather do the job and get out, but there's something about Killian Jones that is _different_ , just like everything else about this movie.

" _I figure we ought to become friends," he says, his smile dazzling. "Seeing as we'll probably be doing two or three more of these films together, hm?"_

 _She pauses, her heart stuttering, her stomach clenching. She knows how incredibly against her rules this is, but Killian has a girlfriend- she's come to set a few times, and they're definitely in love- so she finds solace in his smile and nods._

" _What do you say we run our lines after grabbing some In-N-Out tonight?"_

 _His smile spreads, if it's even possible. "Aye. I'd like that quite a bit, love."_

And between those late night In-N-Out runs and those hours they'd spend on set, laughing at YouTube videos or talking about the latest TV shows, she'd made friends with Killian Jones.

It's something she's proud of, because even though she does have a handful of friends in LA, it's not like she's _popular_ , not by any stretch of the imagination. Being friends with a costar, especially one with whom she's had to share a love scene with, means her rules _work_.

 _He's smirking wildly at her, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead._

" _What?" Emma gives him a look._

" _We've got our kiss coming up soon, Swan."_

" _Yeah," she shrugs. "Is that going to be a problem for you, Jones?"_

 _He tilts his head to the side, licking his lower lip, as he sways closer to her. He smells of cinnamon and cologne, sharp and sweet. "No."_

 _She searches his eyes, a playful smile on her lips as she hums. "You won't be able to handle it."_

" _Perhaps you're the one who couldn't handle it." And damn, even off script their chemistry has her wondering if her rules have been broken. He studies her for a few beats before stepping back again. "Try not to fall in love with me, Swan."_

 _The tension fizzles and she rolls her eyes, laughing softly. "Uh huh. Like that'll ever happen. You're such a messy eater and you snore."_

 _He looks immediately offended. "Do not!"_

" _Mmhm."_

The movie exceeded the expectations of the production company, who had even had high goals for it.

They had she and Killian sign another contract, guaranteeing them a few more movies, and they did press events together, touring the world, talking to people, and watching the movie more times than she ever would have liked.

Killian sat beside her in theaters and they sometimes spent nights after parties sitting up in her hotel room, watching TV and eating ice cream.

Sometimes they'd talk for a while, too, before falling asleep on accident beside each other. She found out about his brother Liam, about the tragic childhood he had, not much unlike hers. She found out about his love for music and his love for traveling, about his ship that he promised he'd bring her out on sometime.

In return, she told him about her past, about her life, and about her hopes and dreams.

And it was fun, getting to be close to him like that. Being his _friend_ like that.

" _Swan, I hate jet lag." He tells her through the phone speaker._

 _She groans. "Me too. I just woke up and it's three in the afternoon. How am I ever going to get on a normal schedule again?"_

" _We'll do it together." He promises her. "Can I come over? We can marathon episodes of the Twilight Zone and eat junk food all day."_

 _Emma laughs. "What about your girlfriend? She probably missed you while we were gone."_

 _He huffs and Emma rolls onto her side to look out the balcony doors at the sun shimmering in the sky._

" _We've been broken up for a while now."  
Emma frowns. "Really?"_

 _He hums. "Aye. It was… it was a long time coming. She wasn't ever truly interested in me."_

 _Emma is quiet as she lies there and she takes her fingers to play with the top of her comforter. "Yeah, I guess you can come over."_

The thing about being part of such a hit movie is that it comes with the promise of awards season.

The movie gets nominated too many times for her to really keep track, and she ends up going to events with Killian, sitting in cars with him, standing on the red carpets with him, laughing at his snide remarks and constantly comforted by his warm hand on the small of her back as they get their photographs taken.

They win a few times, which is surprising, and she ends up breathless as she stands on stage to accept them, not knowing who to thank, but finding Killian somehow in the midst of lights and Hollywood elite, smiling at her as if he's never been prouder, his eyes almost as tear-filled as hers are.

He kisses her temple when she comes back to their table those times, wraps his arm around her shoulders and whispers that he's _proud_ , _so damn proud_ , and she just laughs and ignores the nagging at the back of her mind that tells her that _this_ isn't following her rules.

At after parties, they end up lingering together, meeting other far more famous people and making connections, before he makes sure she gets home safe with more congratulations spilling from his lips that she almost wishes she could kiss away.

More than once, she almost does.

They get a bit of a break before they have to show up to the MTV Movie Awards, having been nominated for Best Kiss and a few other categories.

It's been a little while since they've seen each other, and she's actually kind of anxious to see him again.

They text on and off, and she's following him on social media, so she's quite aware of what he's been up to. He and their mutual friend David Nolan started a band together and that's been eating up quite a bit of his time. But it's different, being in the same room as him and getting to see him and talk to him.

It's kind of a step down from the other shows they've been to, but it's fun. The energy in the room is excited and there's loud music and laughter and even though the entire thing is staged, this is a fun show to be at.

When she and Killian arrive, after driving to the theater and walking the carpet together, they're given a little direction for what they're supposed to do by the director of the show.

And it really shouldn't bother her that she and Killian have to kiss again, because _honestly_ , they're professionals and they're _friends_ and it's easy to just kiss and walk away from the stage.

But it _does_ bother her.

He's sitting beside her in the theater and he smells of cinnamon and strong cologne, and it's _not_ helping the burning in her chest.

"Do you remember when MTV used to be for music videos?" he asks under his breath, annoyance in his features.

Emma laughs. "I'm sure you would, old man."

"Oi! I'm not _old_."

She gives him a look and he just rolls his eyes playfully, reaching between them for her hand to give it a squeeze.

And she'd like to hold onto it forever, if that's even possible, but she remembers her rules, and no matter how sweet he is, no matter how unattainably attractive he is right now, she _can't_ give into this feeling she thinks she has.

"Swan, I just want to thank you," he says, more seriously. "This awards season has been rather chaotic, but with your help, I've gotten through it."

Emma tilts her head to the side, a little blush filling her cheeks. "If anyone's gotten through anything, it's _me_ with _your_ help. I won way more times than I was expecting, and you coached me through it."

Her costar's eyes shine and she thinks for a moment that she sees something _more_ in them, a longing she's used to seeing from men.

"You deserved all of those awards, love."

She opens her mouth to respond, but someone gets up on stage to start the show and music fills her ears, so telling him anything is drowned away.

When the Best Kiss category is announced, if it were only based upon just the screams of the young people in the room, she knows they'd win anyway.

She braces herself, sucking in breaths, and as the video rolls, Killian leans in to whisper, "Make a show of it, hm? Do it just like we did for the film?"

Emma turns to him and sighs, shaking her head slowly. "Don't make me fall in love with you up there."

He smiles sweetly, knowingly almost, his dimples flashing as he winks, and it makes her stomach clench, but not as much as his words do. "As you wish."

"And the best kiss goes to…" a pause. "Emma Swan and Killian Jones for Good Form."

And just like that, the room erupts and Killian has his hand on the small of her back, and they're heading up to the stage to accept their award together.

This award, given to them for their _kiss_ , in a room full of estrogen and loud noises, makes her feel a little less anxious than she has been in the past, especially with Killian at her side.

She ends up standing a few steps away from her costar on stage, his expression all dark and brooding, playing it _so_ heavily for the crowd, and she just laughs, giving a minute shake of her head.

Their kiss as filmed for the movie is being projected onto a screen behind them and the music is _so_ loud, and her heart is skipping beats, excited, and she doesn't give herself time to overthink, because honestly, she knows they can both be professionals about this in the end.

She lunges forward, takes him by the collar, and yanks him in to kiss him, much to the delight of everyone in the room.

His hand is in her hair and his lips are _so_ soft and warm. He tastes faintly of mint, as if he'd brushed his teeth just for this, and everything about the moment has her captivated.

She'd like to pretend that they're not doing this here, but they are, and her heart is racing because it feels so _different_ this time, not nearly as angry and forced as it had been that day on set as their characters.

This is Emma Swan kissing Killian Jones and she knows it deep within her heart, much to the chagrin of her mind that keeps reminding her of _the rules_ , even as she sighs against him, wishing she could let the kiss linger on for a while.

They pull apart after just a few seconds, not wanting to overdo anything, and Emma feels her cheeks burning up a little as she clears her throat.

Looking into his eyes, she finds that he's just as distraught, but he cleans up fast, turns to the audience, grabbing his popcorn award and hoisting it into the air with a cocky smirk.

"Well, all I have to say about that is: it was my _pleasure_."

She doesn't have the ability to form any coherent words, so she just takes her award from the podium and follows him when he leads her off of the stage, his hand taking hers in a gesture of kindness and familiarity that anchors her to the present.

They do what needs to be done backstage and she asks someone for the bathroom, and they tell her where she can find it.

She leaves as quickly as she can, leaving Killian behind as he talks to someone.

When she reaches the ladies room, she's relieved to find it empty. She locks the door and leans back against it, inhaling deep.

The kiss had felt _real_. It had been raw emotion, built up from the moment she'd met him in the audition room, and she knows he felt it too.

And as she shuts her eyes, she sees it all. She sees the lingering looks, the way he'd smiled when she came to see him those days on set before filming began, those nights they spent awake thanks to jet lag, feels his lips against her cheek and the crown of her head, his hand warm and solid in hers.

She hears his laughter and his murmured praise for her against her ear, sees that look in his eyes after they'd kissed the first time on set, as if he'd woken from a dream.

He's been her _friend_ , but he's also been practically in a _relationship_ with her since they started filming. What friend of hers knows as much as Killian does about her past? Not even her closest friends know about the bumps and curves of her history.

She's torn between running and hiding, like she's _so_ good at doing, like she _should_ have done the moment she learned about this role, the moment she'd met Killian during casting. But she didn't then, and she's in far too deep now.

When she leaves the bathroom, after staring herself down in the mirror and giving her hands a quick washing, she nibbles on her lip, trying to decide whether or not it would be safe to leave.

It's then that Killian seemingly comes out of nowhere, looking worried as he approaches her. "Swan, I- I'm sorry. We should've just… not done it."

"Don't be," she tells him on a sigh.

She feels it in her chest, her heart just begging her to _go for it_ and damn all consequences. But she can't, even if the look on his face is screaming at her all that she's ever needed to know.

"It doesn't matter," she says softly. "Because it didn't mean anything, and it _can't_ have meant anything."

"I… gods, Emma," he closes his eyes and opens them, moving a little closer. "I've… after we kissed, on set, I felt something. And I know, it's stupid, because it was _just_ a kiss, for work, but between spending time with you in your trailer, going places, sharing meals… the press tour…" He shakes his head. "You're magnetizing and maddening and bloody gorgeous, I dunno if anyone's ever told you that."

Emma blinks at his words, her heart stuttering intensely. Her skin is on fire by what he's told her and she isn't sure she should say, because what's happening now is breaking every rule _ever._

"And that kiss, on stage just now, I know it was because we had all eyes on us, but… Swan, I- I've got feelings for you. I don't want us to just be friends. I want more than that."

Emma snaps suddenly, her eyes filling with tears, her throat tight, because he's asking her to let go of the rules that have kept her _safe_ for a very long time and while she trusts Killian, she isn't sure she can just drop everything for him.

"Killian, I-I've had guy after guy betray me in this industry. They use me and throw me away like I'm garbage. I don't want that to happen again." She stares at him, shaking her head. "I can't lose you."

He searches her eyes desperately, and she knows she's breaking his heart, but she _can't_. She's already broken her rules- all but one. If she relents now, it'll be the end of her and she'll end up hurt again, probably even worse than before.

At least with Killian she has a friendship first and foremost.

Emma holds back her tears and pulls on a small smile for him. "I can't be here anymore. I'm gonna go home."

He looks like a sad puppy, but he nods. "I can-"

"No, it's fine," Emma promises, "I'll be fine."

But she isn't, and she knows she isn't the second she walks out of the theater.

She figures the ache will subside with time.

She thrusts herself into work, more than ever before, and finds herself welcoming the arms of strangers she meets at bars when she's drunk enough, kicking them out before the morning comes and ending up falling asleep feeling emptier than before.

She gets home one early morning after wrapping an episode of her latest TV show stint and collapses back on her bed, pressing her hands over her eyes as she lets out a breath.

It's been several weeks since the kiss and Killian hasn't texted her, or called, and she knows she shouldn't let it bother her, but she _does_.

Emma gets on Twitter and finds his profile full of tweets promoting things, detailing funny things he got himself into, pictures with fans, pictures of his kitten Smee, and the occasional inspirational quote.

She scrolls deep enough into the history of his Twitter to discover a tweet from the night of the kiss, finding that he wrote something that she can't help but think belongs to her.

"I used to think love brought nothing but wasted years and endless torment. All it took was meeting the right person and everything changed."

It makes her feel worse, if that's possible, and she closes her eyes on a groan, tossing her phone to the side and rolling over.

She's facing her nightstand and it reminds her of the list, so she pushes up, pulls the drawer out, and digs around until she finds it, neatly folded as it had been the last time she looked at it.

As she studies her writing, she can't help but think about _Killian_ and how the first three of these have been broken.

Her eyes stop on the fourth rule: _love is nothing but pain, never give into it_.

If love is nothing but pain, she reasons, then what about now, when she doesn't even have _friendship_ anymore?

It's then that she realizes that the reason she hurts is because she _didn't_ give into love; that she'd had it, but she didn't embrace it.

" _Why did you break up with your girlfriend?" Emma asks quietly, looking at him with her cheek pressed against the cushion of her sofa._

 _He shakes his head, a yawn making his jaw crack._

" _We weren't in love." He pauses for a moment and slides a little closer to her, searching her eyes as a little smile fills his lips. "I think she may've been a bit jealous by how much time we've been spending together, too."_

 _Emma hums a laugh. "Yeah. Well, we're friends. Friends spend time together."_

 _Killian reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Aye."_

 _After a moment, he turns away, looking at the television screen. His arm shifts upward, going around her shoulders._

" _Don't fall asleep on me, Swan," he murmurs, as if he knows her eyes are shutting. It's almost eight in the morning and she's getting tired. His lips brush against the crown of her head. "Starbucks run?"_

 _Her heart is still aflutter from the kiss pressed to the top of her head, but it only palpitates more because he just knows her so damn well._

" _Sounds good."_

Emma tears her rules down the middle and takes them into her bathroom to deposit them in the trash as she hits Killian's number in the address book on her phone.

It takes a few rings, but he does answer, much to her relief.

"Swan?" his voice is gruff and she winces, realizing that she's calling him in the middle of the night.

"Oh, shit, Killian, I- sorry. I just got home from a shoot and I guess I forgot normal people don't function at these hours of morning."

For a moment he's silent, then he laughs, deep and thick, just as she sinks down onto her bed. "'s alright, love. Is everything alright?"

It sounds as if he's sitting up now, and she takes a deep breath because it feels _good_ , getting to hear his voice again.

"Um… can we grab coffee or something tomorrow? I want to see you."

"Ah, yeah," he clears his throat. "That sounds good. Meet at your place around eight?"

Emma manages a little smile. "Yeah. See you then. Sorry I woke you up."

She can practically see the smirk on his lips when he speaks. "Come now, Swan, it's a dream to be woken up by you."

Emma rolls her eyes at the connotation and relaxes into her bed. "Good night, Killian."

"Good night, Emma."

A few hours later, she wakes feeling excited and refreshed, despite not getting much sleep.

She resolves to herself that she'll get coffee in her system before saying anything significant to Killian, and thankfully when she meets him at her door, with the exception of the wide smile he gives her while he tells her he's glad to see her again, he doesn't say much.

"So," Emma says as they walk back toward her place, coffee cups in hand.

"So," he repeats, licking his lips of the black coffee.

She looks ahead of her and breathes the morning in deep. "Why haven't you texted or anything lately?"

He shrugs when she turns back to him. It seems as if he's a little uncomfortable by the question. "I've been busy."

Emma takes a sip of her coffee, thinking about all that she'd half-planned this morning as she took a shower and got dressed.

Being with him now makes it much more difficult to tell him what she's decided, mainly because he's being a lot quieter than usual.

She decidedly stops and he catches on quickly, turning to her with confusion in the crease of his forehead.

"I had a list of four rules," she tells him. "That I used to get me through my projects. And I broke them with you. Becoming friends with you broke rules one and two. When we started getting closer, when we kissed on stage, that broke rule number three."

Emma pauses, taking a breath. Killian's eyes are attentive and he shifts his weight onto his front foot slightly.

"What was rule number four?"

"To never give into love," she tells him quietly. "Because it brings nothing but pain."

Her heart is a lump in her throat and she looks down at her feet, sucking in a deep breath.

"And I realized that I did the opposite of that, actually." Emma meets Killian's eyes. "I didn't give into my feelings and it hurt me more than any other heartbreak I've felt in my whole life."

Tears are in her eyes now and she shrugs pathetically at him. "So there it is. That's all I needed to tell you."

Killian steps forward tentatively after moments of silently appraising her, standing so close she can breathe his familiar scent in.

"You're my best friend," he says softly. "I'm sorry I didn't fight for our friendship, at the very least, when I had the chance."

"I wasn't exactly willing," she shrugs. "I don't blame you for not wanting to say anything."

Killian shakes his head swiftly. "It wasn't good of me to do that to you. I was being selfish." He pauses and searches her eyes, until he seems to find what he's looking for, nervously smiling at her. "But I still want more than friendship, if you'll have me."

His open invitation has her feeling much lighter, a smile finding her lips before she surges forward and captures his in a kiss.

He reacts immediately, relaxing into the kiss while his hand presses against her hip. Her hand presses against his cheek, her fingers brushing against his hair, and she feels giddy, because maybe dwelling in the moment is something she wants to do, with him, for the rest of her life.

Their just briefly deepened kiss ends with his forehead on hers, and their breaths mingling on joy filled laughter.

"Lets go home," Emma says, trailing her hand down his arm to find his.

"As you wish."


End file.
